The Half-Truth

I took this temp gig for two days. Or at least, so I was told it was going to be two days.

I get to this company to work on time, even a little earlier. I start working, thinking it is going to be a full 8 hours. It turns out they called me in about two hours later than when everyone actually started working. But I didn’t care much since I figured what they were having me do would go longer than their regular business hours…

I can be so naïve sometimes. In four hours, they told me they didn’t have anything else for me to do. They wanted to sign my time card. What am I to say at that point? “No, I was promised 8 hours?” Of course not. Do I even have that right? Well, I let them sign it and  ended up literally wasting the best part of my day, working for the minimum wage.

Then, I went back the next day. I was still hopeful that my first day was just coincidental. But NO!! They worked me another 4 hours and said, “Thanks for coming, it was very nice meeting you.” That was, indeed, all they needed me to do. They just called me in the peek working hours and paid me minimum wage for that work. Wow!

At the end of the assignment, while I was hoping I would get 16 hours of work, I ended up getting 8 hours and I spent 2 days for working those 8 hours.

You’d think, now that I’ve a master’s degree, I’d be smarter. May be not.

Who do I blame? Of course, the temp agency. If they had told me it would be a total of 8 hours, I would've declined. But oh well. I should know better to see the temp agency's too trying to make money off me, so of course they'll tell me the partial truth...

For the next time, I know better.

The Job Market

Officially, six months since my graduation and nothing! Not even an interview!!

Recently, I wasn’t the only temp at this one assignment I took, so I chatted up with other temps to see what their story was. It turned out they were all at the same age, if not a little older than me. They have been laid off during the financial crisis within the past two years and were looking for a fulltime position at that time. Wow.

Many people I meet at these jobs –temps- are often quite honest about their financial situations. Most are aware they deserve better, but also accept that they need to be paying bills too. So that’s why they temp.

I have started questioning the worth my master’s education every day. Was it worth it? Is it going to be worth it? My “competitions” have at least 3-5 more years of work experience. I have a master’s degree and some experience, but still at least 3-5 years less than theirs. Will this Master’s degree help me earn more in the long run? If at all?

Thus far, I seem to think, my master's wasn't worth it. May be it would have been different if I had done a MBA.

This is not to say I am going to give up on life though. I might be giving up on finding a stable job, but I think I am going to come up with ways to start my own business. I have already started brainstorming. Afterall, who -with a master's degree- would like to work as a receptionist anyway???

Your Values versus Your Job

Ever had to do a job that was against your beliefs?

I wondered about this on (last) Monday, for no reason. I had no clue I would be applying for such a job on (last) Tuesday...

I don't mean, "prostitution" when I say against a job your beliefs. That line of work could have moral replication for a religious person. But what I mean is more like "would you challenge your own ethical and moral values, just so you can score couple bucks, or hundreds?"

I guess, for "thousands of $$", some people do, because there is no other explanation for greed of some.

But would you work for, say, the republican party if you were a democrat? Or work for the Serbs if you were the family of a Bosnian victim?

On (last) Tuesday, I actually applied for a job that required a skill I have ( that many don't. Let's call it 'juggling'.) And I left a message to this person saying I am a great juggler, that they should call me back if the job's still available. And as soon as I hang up the phone, I realized this job was for a we-don't-like-jugglers-society.

Oops. Luckily, nobody called me back, which means the job has already gone. But I wondered if any other jugglers -people who have that one skill I have and others don't- have chosen to do the job, for pay. Then, I kept thinking how far would I bend my ethical and moral values for money.

Of course, none of this this would have been a problem at all if I had been doing the line of work/career I had chosen for myself. This was a great wake up call for me. A call that said, I have been doing ridiculous-jobs for money for way too long. I think I need to bring the focus back on what I love doing and am set out to do.

MY FIRST CALL!!!

Yep! Finally. After 5 months of resume submissions, I got my very first phone call today. The lady on the phone wanted to ask me some questions. Was this a good time? It was 2 minutes until the end of my lunch and I was washing my hand in the restroom before I went back, but sure it was! This position is 9-4 with an hour lunch and paid 10 bucks. Was I still okay with it? It's not worth my time, but Yes! Would I be able to immediately start or would I need a two weeks notice? Well, I commit to this job for this week; so the interview would have to happen next week... and I also need to buy some work-attire since my work-wardrobe only lasts me for a week, with repeating... I'd need two weeks notice for the temp agencies.

Then, the happy mood in the air disappeared: "Sorry we need someone to start immediately."

I know what you're thinking. Stop it, right there! Yes, I did change my mind after I hung up the phone. No, I couldn't call back because it was from an unknown number. And yes, I know I can/should ditch a temp job in the middle for a permanent one. But too late. At least, I must've showed them some work ethics, that I am loyal and keep my promises...

Immediately after I realized that I f***ed up my first and perhaps only chance of getting a stable job this year, my mood immediately took a negative turn. People at the place I work must've noticed.

After I mourned the passing of my only chance to a premanent job, I realized, I'd bitch about the pay and the short hours anyways. I have a master's. It is rude to even ask me if I'm interested. Truthfully, no, I am not. I am just interested in the idea of a permanent job because temping makes me feel like a loser.

But oh well. Here's the lesson I learned: When it's an unknown number, let them leave you a voicemail!

"Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself" ~Sartre

I took one of those usual PA-runner gigs again. Everytime I take one, I hate myself for it. I cannot say no and I don't know why. Or at least, I haven't been able to say no and I didn't know why.

But my loser days are officially over.

A very annoying event has marked the end of my time with this place. I was sent on a run, that was supposed to take a good full 2-hours. I was expected to finish it in 1. And when I ran late, my immediate boss called me 4 times in 20 minutes to get the update on how close I was to being done. The fact that I was late had been 100% my boss' fault (because she gave me mundane tasks before she sent me on the errand) and at the end, she put 100% of the blame on me when a whole bunch of people were waiting for me to go out for lunch.

OK, may be I could've called 20 mins before I was expected to be back and had told them I still had another hour to finish the job. But still....Once she knew I was going to be late, she could've just stopped calling. 

I was put under stress and was very annoyed. Not only that, but she goes, "yes, this errand is one of the hardest part of this job." For fucking real? It won't tell you what the errand is but it is something everyone does on weekly, sometimes daily basis...And no, it isn't hard. And the fact that she said it was the "hardest" part of the job made me sound like a "loser," "idiot," " assistant." Listen honey, I at least know how to manage people since I managed 50-60 people at a time before. How many have you not micro-managed? 

And that was the moment, when the ropes went untied; when the fuse blew; when the lights went out.

That was IT for me. Yep. I decided, I wouldn't be back for one other day to that location. I thought to myself, "I have a master's. I don't deserve to do this shit, or take shit from anyone. Even if it might mean I end up broke and have to go back to my hometown to live with my parents, so be it!"

And here's why I thought that:

Sartre once said, a man is nothing else but what he makes of himself.

A man is what he makes himself to be.

I was speaking to one of my intelligent friends, who told me about how the popular kids in her college ended up making more money now; and she and her group of friends - the regular kids in college- became the working class. That has probably been because of the way the popular kids carried themselves; how they perceived themselves; how they "made" of themselves "something."

How you perceive yourself affects the way others perceive you. That will affect the jobs you get, the men/women you attract.

And I figured, by taking these shit jobs, I was setting myself out as the "person who will do anything; will not consider any task too small." True, I was that person about 3 months back. But now, my priorities has changed. I can no longer be the go-to girl for the half day gigs. I don't want to be the person with no-ego, who is just looking to network. It is fine, for a month or two, but not for 5-6 months.

I want to make something of myself. I want to be a person of status. I want to have a proper career. I don't want to suck up to a whole bunch of people to give me a job anymore. I want to only take the jobs I deserve. I don't want to work for free or for very little money.

Time is really money. It must be worth money. The job I do must be worth my time. I'd rather spend my time reading books and writing blogs than fill dishwashers. Cause guess what? Filling up a dishwasher isn't helping me network with anyone. Instead, even the assistants start pitying me or start pushing me around. F-that! If I read books, at least I would nurture my creativity, keep my sanity and the little pride I have left. That way, I might be poor, but at least with some pride and hope for the future.

So, "what now?" you might ask.

Immediately after I came to this realization, I have started writing down the list of things I am looking to accomplish either this year, or in this lifetime. A pattern emerged. I realized, I still need my time to check things off my list. So that is what I am going to do: check things off my list.

Since this decision, I have been selective with my gigs. I declined low-life gigs TWICE in the past week. I no longer worry about "if they don't call me back." Cause you know what? They need ME to fill that crappy assignment, as much as I need THEM to get me one.

Let's see if I can stick to my gut for a week and work on that to-do list!

Lame Happenings

I was going to stop taking lame jobs or at least stop whining about
them. It is impossible to do when lame crap keeps happening. Here are
two quick examples:

1. The man I was assisting left his dirty coffee mug and cereal bowl
on my desk when I was away at lunch to imply "take this stuff down to
kitchen when you get back". Seriously? I have worked for many
'executives' before and this thing is by far the rudest thing I have
ever encountered. My job description said "answer phones and set up
meetings" not "clean the dishes and tidy the kitchen". Especially when
there are 5 interns to do it instead of me. I suppose only in the film
business does a master's degree get you a maid's work.

2. The person I indirectly report to found out that I want a creative
position. She had a handful mundane tasks to get done: organizing the
kitchen cabinets, old documents, cleaning the supply closet ... Etc.
So when she's explaining to me what she needs me to do, she goes "I
need you to use your creativity and organize the cabinets and clean
the supply room". Really ??? You can't be serious. Wow. Getting
creative with the food supply? You're right. It is going to be a life
changing opportunity for me to clean your kitchen cabinets.
This is too much. I think I might be ready for a career change already.

Insane, huh? Stay tuned for more crap!!

A little peace of mind

I know, I have been slacking in terms of blogging but I have been working!! Actually, I took 4 days of work this week. Of course, I only made enough for may be 3.

This week, as usual, I took some crappy work, but I did it because apparently the company that gives me that lame-work, likes the way I do their lame-work. And I stopped caring about what I do on daily basis, because I officially upgraded my thinking habits; adjusted some of my life expectations and I was no longer unhappy. I sort of "raised above," if you know what I mean.

All I had to do was to stop trying to go against the current! Yes, I lowered my expectations and all I cared about work was how fast I did the lame-work or how pretty it looked at the end. Nothing else. I didn't remotely care what people think of me or how they spoke to me or anything... And that felt good.

I also did some background work. At that time, I came to a major realization that I love working long hours on sets. I do. At the end, I was physically exhausted, but happy and satisfied. I met about 4 to 5 people with whom I carried an average of 2 hr-long conversations, most of which was pretty interesting. A total success, in terms of socializing!

So, at the end of the week, I started considering background work a little more seriously. I don't like appearing on TV or movies, but I find I belong there better than I do in an office.

Next week, I am looking to take the whole week off from work. I need to focus on my wants, needs, wishes; work a little more on my plans for the future and perhaps, sketch-out a new work pattern so I don't feel so exhausted of frustration.

One of the most important New Year's resolutions I made this year was to "simplify my life." In  December, I figured there was just too many things going on in my life to remain healthy and sane. It is now May. I don't think I did a good job so far. But from now on, I am going to work harder at it. And here's to the new beginning!